The Bible speaks in many different places about the issue of “submission” & it does so in many different contexts not only in a marriage context (e.g. 1 Pet 2:13… i.e. submission to one another, submission to rulers, submission to masters or employers etc.), you may also see Eph 5:21 (submit to one another out of reverence for Christ). The two intertwined commands for spouses are:
1. The command to submit
2. The command to love
Wives are to submit & husbands to love. The posture of submission is a general pivotal principle that undergirds Kingdom life, i.e. kingdom life is a life of submission to God and to those God has placed around us and so perhaps the subject of submission can not be viewed primarily as an issue for wives but as a general kingdom principle that applies to all who are sons of the Kingdom of God – again Eph 5:21 applies here, “submit to one another out of reverence for Christ”. Coming back to the issue of marriage, love of wives for their husbands is expressed in the nature of their SUBMISSION to them and the extent to which husbands submit (i.e. subjecting themselves to their wives because essentially they are now one flesh with their wives) is expressed in the nature of their LOVE for their wives.
The nature of that SUBMISSION & LOVE is expanded upon in the verses that follow the command, as outlined in Ephesians 5 below.
Ephesians 5:22-29
22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church- NIV.
According to Biblical definitions, LOVE places one in a position of serving and developing the one they love. Husbands are to love just as Christ loved the church (so Christ is the standard and example of how to LOVE). The question then is how did He love the church? He loved it by giving Himself to its service (John 3:16), developing it to a place of radiance and blamelessness, so that it can be without stain or wrinkle (Eph 5:27). So where there is true love there will always be personal development. Love in God is developmental, it is not only romantic. An “undeveloped wife”, in character, mindset and otherwise is not yet experiencing the fullness of her husband’s LOVE.
Defining Submission: The word “submit” means the ff. in the Greek dictionary: to place in order, to place under in orderly fashion. The word does not imply that the wives should be “inferior” or not participate in leadership at home. The word also does not define certain external duties that a wife must or must not do. The issue of household duties is a matter of choice that each couple can decide upon. Husband and Wife are both leaders especially when they have kids at home. The word emphasises the establishment of an “orderly marriage and household”. The whole issue of submission also carries with it the idea of “finding protection under the headship of your husband”. This is spiritual and emotional protection that the husband must provide to his wife and children. For the husband to provide this protection, he needs to be occupying a certain spiritual ranking, wisdom and mature character that enable him to be a protector. The ability to protect does not come from a big-built body (physique), strong personality, mere experience, or natural intelligence. It comes from spiritual ranking and maturity in Christ.
1 Pet 3:1,4-5 talks about the need for wives to develop “a gentle and a quite spirit”. This means that submission does not begin with adjusting external behaviour but it really is an “internal quality, position and state” that is arrived at through a deliberate process of personal adjustment and development in Christ. Verse 4 here continues to say this should be the nature of our “inner self, our unfading beauty”. Submission therefore is primarily a “state” and not an “act” or a “position” within the family structure. It can not be defined by how often we wash the dishes or cook. We can easily do all these household duties without that inner gentleness and quietness. It is this inner beauty that attracts our husbands to come even closer to us spiritually and emotionally, becoming our companions and friends. When we lack this inner beauty, our husbands then occupy a position of defence, seeking to prove their manhood all the time and this in turn becomes a good recipe for “distance and conflict”. In the same way that physically, our husbands get attracted to us, the principle is true also spiritually. As a matter of fact, within the household-marriage context, spiritual beauty carries more weight than physical beauty. The inner beauty has attraction power to our husbands that far surpasses our physical beauty. A husband will rather live with an internally developed woman who may not be so “beautiful” according to world definitions then living with a “beauty queen” who has no internal quietness and gentleness. And so development in Christ feeds back to our intimacy with our husbands.
These commands (LOVE and SUBMISSION) go beyond just an observable cosmetic act of either submission or love. They are POSTURES from which spouses should interface & partner in building their marriage. This means that submission is premised on a deeper & invisible INTERNAL CONFIGURATION that ought to characterise us as wives. So, although submission & love are general pivotal Kingdom principles that are expected from both spouses, for us wives, submission goes beyond that. It becomes a pre-ordained “allocated sphere” for our existence within the context of marriage. This means that all that we do or express should be characterised by a sense of being subject to an embraced authority & reflexive obedience for our husbands. This should be evident at all times, even in instances where we know we are right & they are wrong or when we feel offended etc. Our husbands shouldn’t have to doubt it at any point in time. This obviously speaks into areas of conduct etc. e.g. how you address your husband, how you respond to confrontation, how you relate to him during “mis-understandings” etc.
Eph 5:33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
This is a skill we need to train and build ourselves in. We don’t just arrive at it automatically. These things are taught. See scripture below...
Tit 2:3 Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good.
Tit 2:4 Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children,
Tit 2:5 to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.
The word “train” in the Greek means: to train to think and act soberly, discreetly and in moderation; to be of sound mind; to disciple, to correct, to teach to be sober. The root meaning of the word is: to be sound in mind; to be moderate as to opinion or passion; to be self-disciplined in one’s freedom; to be self-restrained in all passions and desires.
This word “train” deals with the formation of mindsets, approaches, postures and or attitudinal positions that help the wife better manage her family dealings within the household. For the “older women” to do this (i.e. train younger women), they themselves must have been taught first (vs.3), so that what they teach is not simply experience but sound principles coming from the Word of God, coupled with consistent application of the same principles in their lives.
What we also learn from this scripture is that “love” is a skill that gets developed through training. A lot of marriages get destroyed simply because people do not know how to love one other.
The phrase, “love their husbands” is defined as: to be fond of man, to be affectionate as a wife. The phrase is made up of two words: “philos” (which is “love” in English and “aner” which means “a man”. The word “philos” is also used in the word “philosophy”. The word “philosophy” is made up of two words “philos” and “sophos”; its literal meaning is “love for wisdom”. We said the phrase is made of “philos” and “aner”. The word “aner” means “a husband, a man”. “Philos” means the ff: to be friendly, to be a companion, to be kind. The word is used to describe a friend, an associate, a neighbour. And as such, the word describes companionship and intimacy.
It is very easy for a married couple to grow apart over a period of time. A couple may love each other, have an active sexual relationship, do a lot of activities together and yet still be far apart from each other. This “gap” in marriage is caused by “lack of common platform” from which a couple develops conversation, makes jokes, sees life etc. This “gap” is also caused by lack of “shared pursuit” and the inability to “skilfully merge as one” by deliberately killing elements that cause distance. The “gap” can also be caused by individualistic tendencies that come from Western Lifestyle positions which define 21st century lifestyle (when it comes to this, we are warned in Rom 12:2). The truth is that for intimacy and companionship to be built, both parties must undergo “death to self” and choose to occupy more mature character positions. Gen 2:24 says “then the two shall be one” which means that intimacy is an ordained order in marriage. This verse (Gen 2:24) also means that intimacy is a journey and a process, a state in marriage that is arrived at. Many begin this journey and abort it on the way. The “gap” is therefore not of God and in fact God is establishing a system here of training young wives on how to secure intimacy in their marriages. We can then see that intimacy and companionship is arrived at through a skilful process of handling your life and choosing certain postures and approaches in conversations and general dealings that keep the heart of your husband open. This takes a skill and training. This does not mean that husbands do not have any responsibility in this process, we know from other scriptures like Eph 5:25 that they do. We are just emphasising the role of the wife in this context.
It is important to emphasise that the first scripture that was quoted here (Eph 5: 22-29) explicitly outlines the husband as the head. This means that he is the one who carries the architectural design of his wife. This is a direct parallel of Christ’s Headship over the church. So, in the same way that Christ does to the church, the husband loves, preserves & develops his wife & the wife pre-occupies herself with discovering her husband, presenting herself willingly to development & aligns herself to whatever he has presented & put in place for building. This does not mean that the husband dictates & the wife has no say. They are both leaders & builders together but stand on different platforms.
For us wives, this “allocated sphere” of submission is not & should not be inaccurately viewed as an inferior position of disempowerment. It’s just different but just as inherent with capacity to change & build things in our marriages. The below scripture gives that sense...
1Pe 3:1 Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives,
1Pe 3:2 when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.
This means that, to influence situations or even alter & build correct patterns of life within our households and marriages, we shouldn’t & never even have to cross our God-allocated “boundaries” & assume “headship” in order to steer the ship correctly for some reason.. From that same platform of “submission” expressed in our chaste conduct accompanied by fear, we are also able to build & assume positions of leadership by “winning” our spouses over to whatever dimension of understanding we are seeking to put forward. The trick is to overcome that deceitful temptation of “forsaking” our “allocated sphere”. It doesn’t accomplish our intended objectives & ends up “dis-figuring” the whole arrangement of our marriage in the eyes of both our spouses & outsiders. We definitely don’t want that!
Jesus: A Pattern of Submission
It is therefore important to clarify that the Biblical definitions of “submission” have nothing to do with being inferior and or not adding value to the leadership process at home. It has everything to do with establishing “orderly marriage and household”. The best way to understand submission is to look at the Godhead. Jesus clearly declares in the scriptures that He submits to the Father and yet Jesus was highly functional.
Jesus does not fight for a position of significance:
Philippians 2:5-11
5 Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
6 Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
7 but made himself nothing,
taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
8 And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
and became obedient to death-
even death on a cross!
9 Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name,
10 that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
11 and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.
NIV
· The position from which we begin is that Jesus is equally God (vs.6): there must be a certain level of “security in who the wife is” that allows her not to compete with her husband.
· “He humbled himself and became obedient to death”: submission is a deliberate conscious process that the wife must reflect in her attitudes, behaviour and interactions with her husband.
· “Therefore God exalted Him”: a good mature and submissive wife will often find that the husband gives her more space to function in the household. “Submission” allows us to be trusted and released to function, however we should not submit because we want to function.
Jesus functions out of correct alignment:
John 5:19
19 Jesus gave them this answer: "I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing by himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does. NIV
This verse (John 5:19) simply means that Jesus’ functionality was subdued under the authority of the Father. “He does nothing except He sees first”: means that functionality and activity must proceed out of “sight” (understanding) of the intended objectives and design coming from the one who functions as a head. This allows activity by the wife to be correctly aligned to the general direction taken by the household. This practically means that the wife can discipline a child in the home because he understands what kind of a child is being produced in her household. For the wife to have this sight of the direction of the household there must be a lot of conversation between the spouses aimed at bringing illumination concerning the direction and pursuit of the household. This further implies that the couple must know how to converse and what to converse about. There must be discipline so that the couple refrains from always talking about Politics, Sports, Celebrities and general externalities of life. The couple must learn to talk about issues that have to do with them (as human beings). They must talk about their pursuits, what they believe to be the purpose of God for them, areas of strengths and areas of weaknesses in their lives (character, personality, structure of thinking) that need attention. They must “help one another” grow in Christ. These conversations then become the foundation upon which decisions are taken. Most importantly, these conversations empower the wife in her submission process. So then the thing we learn from Christ is that submission is a matter of “correct alignment”. One cannot submit (or be correctly aligned) until one understands what her household is all about.
Love as a Function of Spiritual Maturity
Ephesians 5:25-26
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, NIV
There are some things we have to see out of this verse:
· This verse is a command and not a suggestion: When husbands begin to walk in the area of love, they are really fulfilling a command.
· Christ is set as an example of true love: a husband cannot begin to love until he has come to personally know Christ first, the Lover of the Church (this means that the husband as a believer, must ensure he has an understanding of the processes and approaches Christ is adopting to bring growth to His bride, the church). That is, understanding of love is a spiritual process of revelation of both the nature and the ministry of Christ inside the church.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. NIV
According to 1 Cor 13, love (agape) has both character and principles.
· Love is defined by patience.
· Love is defined by kindness.
· Love is defined by correct identity free from a competitive spirit (it does not boast).
· Love is defined by a spirit of selflessness that is free from pride. That is, it has no sense of self-importance.
· Love is defined by a position of being considerate of others. It is not self-seeking.
· Love is defined by a long-suffering spirit that has self-government or self-control.
· Love is defined by a redemptive spirit that is not critical etc.
In other words, the command for husbands to love their wives actually means that the husband must possess the qualities listed above in an exceeding measure. We all know that things like patience, kindness etc. are not things we are born with but must be developed by Christ in us. Since these qualities are not a man’s default positions and since they are often or mostly not evident (or present) at the point of initiation of love, what then should a woman love in a potential husband? The thing the woman should love is the “spirit of pilgrimage” (of journey, development or transformation) in a man that allows him to constantly migrate to new life and character positions in Christ – the Word says “blessed is a person (in this case, a husband) whose heart is set on pilgrimage, he will grow from strength to strength…” (Ps 84:5-7). Any man who shows tendencies of rigidity in character will fail to become the kind of husband Christ requires. This “personal pilgrimage” allows us to progressively develop character positions like the ones listed in 1 Cor 13. Until these character positions are developed, we do not have the capacity to fully love our wives. So as husbands we should be able to measure our love by assessing ourselves against the principles listed in 1 Cor 13.
So we therefore realise that love is not only emotional feelings and romance, love is the ability (by husbands) to display a character, behaviour and attitudes that reflect the principles listed above. That is, love is the ability (by husbands) to display a character, behaviour and attitudes of Christ toward their wives. So therefore Love is an Acquired State. It is one thing to declare love to a person and truly have emotional chemistry but it is another thing to develop capacity to love the person. A couple can enjoy good romance and sex, be in a position to afford good restaurants etc. and still have the wife filled with unhappiness, pain, fear, hurt etc. simply because the couple lacks the agape element defined above. A good husband who wants to love his wife will begin to emphasise and prioritise his real spiritual growth in Christ that produces a mature character. On the other hand, a good and a wise wife who wants to build an environment where she is loved will ensure that her husband is growing in Christ and will even support him in the process. There is something about a mature man (husband) that brings peace, joy, stability, a sense of protection and a sense of expectation at home. An immature man can sincerely love his wife but lack the capacity to demonstrate that love (that’s when we begin to hurt those we love and live with regret and condemnation – this condition of self-condemnation results in lack of confidence to grow in character and in the things of God. It also produces a situation where wives become cynical, develop hopelessness and unhealthy attitudes toward their husbands and the broader institution of marriage, that is, they begin to view every other man in this light). Basically, what 1 Cor 13 is saying to us is that love is displayed through a mature character. Love is not just in the bedroom; it is not a moment of romance but it is in how the husband behaves himself, how he communicates with his wife, his selfless character in his dealings with his wife, the way he corrects his wife when she is in the wrong etc. For the husband to get this right, he needs to grow and develop. Many have divorced out of “irreconcilable differences”. The reality is that many can go for counselling for days and years and still not find a solution. The solution often is not in the wisdom of the counsellor, the solution is often in the next phase of their development. That is, the solution often lies with the next person a husband needs to become in God.
Ephesians 4:17-25
17 So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. 18 They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. 19 Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more.
20 You, however, did not come to know Christ that way. 21 Surely you heard of him and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. 22 You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23 to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24 and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.
25 Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. NIV
When a couple is in a marital crisis without any tangible issue like marital unfaithfulness, often the answer is in their need to become a new person in God. Here are some principles we can extract out of Eph 4:
· The old self produces a certain conduct of life, perspective (e.g. futility in their thinking…darkened in their understanding etc.).
· It is impossible to step into new behavioural practices and positions of a mature life in your immature state. For behaviour to change, the person (character) must change. It is not behavioural practices and tendencies that change first but the very character of the husband. That is, couples often demand of each other what they do not have capacity for in their character. Even if one really wants to begin to demonstrate mature behaviour, they will not be able to until they allow God to redesign their character.
· The new self is created to be like: That is, new character positions in God produce a certain behavioural and lifestyle positioning that allows the spouse to step into new behaviours that are consistent with the new person they have become.
2 Corinthians 5:17
17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! NIV
“New creation” here does not simply refer to initial salvation stages but the ability to progressively grow in Christ by stepping into new and more mature character positions. Often, what a wife may cry for in terms of being loved is locked up in the new man that the husband must become. There comes a time when a couple exhausts a certain character position. Or put differently, a couple is limited by its own level of character growth. The more the couple grows in Christ, the more there will be life and love in the household. The mistake couples make is to over-invest in economic means and processes, thinking that the more money they have is the happier they will be – this is what Jesus refers to as “deceitfulness of wealth”, it chokes our spiritual growth and therefore our character transformation process (see Matt 13:22). And so with time couples sink into riches but being unhappy and unfulfilled on the inside.
Love is the ability (by husbands) to display a character, behaviour and attitudes of Christ toward their wives. Christ is therefore the platform from which husbands express love.
Often, what a wife may cry for in terms of being loved is locked up in the new man that the husband must become. It’s like, the husband “you got married to” comes to a ceiling in his ability to love, that is, if he stays unchanged and untransformed. As years go by and challenges of life present themselves, they then demand new capacity on the husband to love and lead his family. Kids, for instance, bring in a new demand that can not be faced by the same old husband. There is a “Noah Principle” that husbands must tap into, that of developing themselves for the challenges that lie ahead. At the time that the Ark was built, there was no flood. Often by the time challenges come, couples are found having not built the ark. The “Ark” represents capacities and competences that must be developed now for perceived future challenges. For example, you don’t start learning about parenting when you have a baby. You start learning about parenting long before you have a baby. This therefore means that your spiritual process in Christ is not determined by the lack of challenges now but by the demands you foresee in God in the future.
Some Key positions of love from God:
· For God so loved that He gave (John 3:16): love must be accompanied by the provision of resource that helps the one who is loved come to a position of maturity and empowerment.
· For God so loved that He gave: the character of love is in giving and not just demanding a lot for yourself. There must therefore be an element of selflessness in the process.
· For God so loved that He gave: the one who loves must be in a position to resource the one he loves.
· God loved us while we were still sinners (Rom 5:8): love is expressed unconditionally. We don’t wait for wives to grow and become better humans before we offer the fullness of our love to them.
· Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her (Eph 5:25): This refers to Jesus dying at the Cross. This therefore means that when there is love there will be a spirit of sacrifice. “Sacrifice” basically means doing something that will resource the next person without expecting a return.
· Christ loved the church to make her radiant (Eph 5:25-27): love is developmental. It allows the one who is loved to grow into new positions of life. Husbands must therefore learn to stop complaining about the weaknesses of their wives but instead “to journey with their wives” as they bring them to new positions of life and maturity.
Understanding Headship
Ephesians 5:22
22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. NIV
1 Corinthians 11:3
3 Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God. NIV
· The kingdom of God has structure and ranking to it. We have the angels and arch-angels. We have the Father, Son and Holy Spirit and so the very nature of God reveals the reality of ranking. If one has seen God, then they need to also see this very important aspect of God, which is rank.
· According to Matt 8:9-10, understanding of rank is a mature position of faith.
· True headship by husbands proceeds from a platform of submission to the primary head, Christ. That is, before the husband becomes the head of the woman, Christ must be the head of the man.
· Submission to Christ means that the “headship of man” allows the husband to exercise authority not out of his sense of what needs to be (not out of his sense of life, preferences, impatience and wishes) but out of the government of God inside his heart. For example, sometimes a husband (as a father) may shout at his kids only to be rebuked by Christ in his heart later. So, this headship of the husband is and must be “subdued authority”.
· If Christ is the ultimate head, then the “headship of husbands” must take on “the character of Christ”. The way husbands govern their households must reveal the character of Christ. So true authority must provide sight of the ways of Christ to the wife and kids. The way the husband disciplines his kids must reveal Christ’s ways to them and not just the passionate anger of their father.
· Wives must therefore trust in their husband’s ability to exercise authority under the government of Christ, not in the husband’s raw carnal nature.
· One can therefore not touch and exercise authority unless one is submitted to, has relationship with and an understanding of the nature of Christ. That is, just as submission is a state acquired out of a process of growth, so too is headship exercised out of an acquired understanding of and submission to the ways of Christ.
· Essentially, this submission by husbands is not rooted merely in their “male-ness” (it is not simply a gender privilege), it is rooted in Christ, and so it is a spiritual responsibility.
Headship proceeds from a platform of Sacrifice
Ephesians 5:25-27
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. NIV
As mentioned above, sacrifice is the ability to add value without expecting a benefit. Every husband needs to ask themselves how are they “giving themselves up” for the development of their wives. If there is no clear answer to this question, then headship is not be exercised correctly.
Headship is Service and Servant-hood
Luke 22:26-27
26 But you are not to be like that. Instead, the greatest among you should be like the youngest, and the one who rules like the one who serves. 27 For who is greater, the one who is at the table or the one who serves? Is it not the one who is at the table? But I am among you as one who serves. NIV
Headship is not privilege. It has nothing to do with being served. Headship is a responsibility to serve and or add value to the household. This means that husband must cease to be self-centred and begin to relate to their environments from a serving-giving platform. Husbands cannot live to take from their environments but to give.
Headship is about becoming a Character Standard in the Household
Ephesians 4:15
15 Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. NIV
For a husband to fully play his headship role in the family, he needs to be in the forefront in terms of spiritual development so that he establishes character positions that the wife and kids can learn from. Traditionally in the church, husbands have tended to take a back-seat when it comes to providing spiritual leadership to their households. This is not Biblically correct:
1 Timothy 2:11-14
11 A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. 12 I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent. 13 For Adam was formed first, then Eve. 14 And Adam was not the one deceived; it was the woman who was deceived and became a sinner. NIV
Paul here is not forbidding women from participating in the developmental process within the church. There are many scriptures in the Word of God that reveal that women are co-heirs and sharers in the work of the kingdom. In fact in the beginning, God commissioned both husband and wife to “rule in the earth” (Gen 1:28). Paul is addressing the issue of provision of spiritual leadership. Adam (husband) was formed first. The “first-ness” of husbands places them in a position of spiritual pioneering to walk into dimensions of Christ and also bring or lead their families into the same. When the husband is lagging behind, how is he going to hear God’s voice and sets the path for his family. That is, an undeveloped husband costs the entire family. Husbands must therefore grow not only for their sake but also for the sake of their households.
Headship is about the ability to Bear Life (Reproductive Ability)
1 Corinthians 11:8
8 For man did not come from woman, but woman from man; NIV
Adam was formed first. We have said that this principle implies that husbands must be spiritual pioneers in their households. Not only so, we also see here that the woman came from man. This is the ability of the Husband not only to be a character standard in the home but to also have the creative-reproductive ability to produce after their kind. Sometimes you find husbands pressing into God and growing but only to realise there is a huge gap between them and their wives. This gap is caused by the fact that husbands do not understand their responsibility to not only grow but to reproduce their spiritual process inside of their wives. This takes a skill from the side of the husband.
The reproductive process means the ff:
· The husband must conceive character positions in God inside of his heart. These come through the convictions of the Spirit in the heart that seek to challenge the status quo in terms of the character state of the husband, pushing him to new positions in God.
· The husband must allow a “conceived seed” (convictions) to define him to the point where this is visible to the wife. The wife must be able to tell when her husband is growing.
· The husband must allow this process of conception to come to maturity so that there is then a birthing process that allows him to be born in the new demands of God inside his heart. The birthing process is nothing but “phases of transformation” in the husband’s life and character.
· The husband must then stand as “a pattern of growth” before his wife and teach his wife (not by having “lecture sessions in the home”) but by engaging in a conversation that allows the wife to see into the husband’s process in God and follow in the same pathway – like the Word say, “imitate the faith of your leaders” (Heb 13:8). For this to happen, the husband must let his “shield” down and be vulnerable before his wife, sharing on his weaknesses and how Christ is expressing Himself inside his heart. How he is being challenged to come to new positions of life and character. Since the home is not a battlefield, there should be no need for the husband to carry his shield (at home). The husband should only have to take his sword and shield when he goes out to interact with life.
So when one is a head, it means that they have the ability to reproduce life (not just biologically) but spiritually.
All of this means that both husband and wife are given a responsibility to display different and complementary dimensions of Christ, one is His headship (His authority, government over the church) another one is His submission (to the Father). It is in this context that Paul says marriage reveals the relationship of Christ and His church (Eph 5:32). In other words, marriage as an institution, must display the character of Christ as well as the nature of Christ’s relationship with His church. Therefore, entering into a marriage goes beyond the two who are in love. It must proceed from platforms of (a) commitment to progressive growth in (or learning of) the nature, ways and character of Christ and (b) commitment to display and represent the nature and dimensions of Christ (headship and submission).
No comments:
Post a Comment